Doggo Parents Confess Their Golden Retrievers' Hilariously Specific "Golden" Rules For Their Respective Households

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kalila courban
Aug 21, 2023 1:00 PM EDT

Hey friends. Today we're taking some time out of our busy schedules to dive into the wonderful world of golden retrievers and their hilariously specific household rule. These pals bring a whole new meaning to "living life by your own rules." Even the most mundane activities are orchestrated surrounding the hilarious rules that these doggos have set for their families. Just have a look for yourself, go ahead, and scroll down. 

Engaging in mealtime rituals is another delightful facet that requires rules by the goldens, for the goldens, with some waiting for the affirmation that they're pretty before indulging in their nourishment, and others demanding verbal cues for bathroom breaks or meal enjoyment. The peculiar joy of the "zoomies" might extend an invitation, but only to a select few, while mail inspections and soup-making supervision offer a glimpse into their attentive natures. Expressing gratitude through quick kisses and cuddles after a meal or a stroll, and possessing nuanced preferences for hugs, these rules are a testament to beautiful relationships between humans and our canine companions. In each peculiar quirky rule, a story is told – a story of companionship!

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  • 01
    Rectangle - Posted by u/bexxsterss 3 days ago What's your goldens weird rules??
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    Dog
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    Font - For her afternoon walk, mine will only go on the walk if both me and my partner go. If it's either of us alone, she only pees and then comes back inside.
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  • 04
    Font - ThatGayBeans - 3 days ago If you are bowed at, you must join in the Zoomies, if you are not invited, you may not join the Zoomies
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    Rectangle - 3 days ago edited 3 days ago No one can swim but him. Anyone else gets in the pool he will grab you by the wrist and drag you back to the stairs. Genova_Witness
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  • 06
    Rectangle - shubonid 3 days ago Our old boy would not drink his water or eat his food unless you gave him a kiss on the head. He would just sit there giving you puppy eyes and then cry if you tried to walk away.
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  • 07
    Rectangle - bananajam1234. 3 days ago Everyone at the dog park should throw a ball at her request. Except, she doesn't chase the ball. She wants to chase the dogs that chase the ball.
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    Font - NotSoOftenHeavyKevin 3 days ago ...Loves to ride in the car. Always riding shotgun Unless... it's raining and the windshield wipers are on. She looks at me as though I have betrayed her and climbs in the backseat in utter disgust. DOES NOT LIKE WINDSHIELD WIPERS.
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    Font - KeyFrameSamurai - 3 days ago Bowser's house rules. Mother must be visible at all times. Dad may not stand with his hands in his pockets. Else I shall bite them out of said pockets. (Sitting with hands in pockets is totally acceptable.) No other dog in the pack may wear clothing except for me. All bones are my bones. All balls are my balls. You may not stand on the other side of a glass door or gate without inviting me onto your side. If you do not, I will scream at you and try to break do
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    Rectangle - hadurk 3 days ago Mine absolutely refuses to go out in the backyard without her ball. If she sees that we're about to go outside, she'll straight up panic and run around the house until she finds her ball. Once she has it she'll finally go outside
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    Font - PeakySnete2020. 3 days ago She won't go on the wet grass in the morning unless we do first. There is a predetermined acceptable amount of brushes before she bites my hand which fluctuates daily.
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    Rectangle - gggrreaaat 3 days ago Food isn't viewed as safe to eat unless the first piece is hand-fed as a security measure. She might have been an assassinated queen in a past life though
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    Rectangle - maureenmcq. 3 days ago If we get crunchy water, she must get crunchy water. The moment she hears the ice maker in the refrigerator door, she's there for her two cubes.
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    Font - Azanskippedtown - 3 days ago Ball playing to commence between 6:30-7:00. No exceptions. Will let you know if you're late.
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    Font - Fried Lipstick 3 days ago When I'm making soup, he has to lie down next to me until I used the kitchen aid, then he knows it's done and stops watching. When I'm petting him, he wraps his head around my bend arm and squeezes himself into it. He only starts drinking when I give him 'the sign' which is a closed hand making a round move which my daughter learnt him when she was 6 lol Before pooping, he has to 'dance' which can take minutes and is very annoying to wait for
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    Dog - errrtuhd 3 days ago He MUST carry the mail if his mouth fits around it. He will NOT budge until he is in possession of the mail.
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    Font - manfrancisco 3 days ago Before bed, mine would only drink her water after I gave her a treat. I once even had a stand-off to prove that I was the authority figure. I lost that one. She had me well trained.
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    Human body - bughousenut 3 days ago My golden must go to the park to poop (don't worry, I scoop), twice a day. Even if I am sick this is how it has to be.
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    Font - healthyscrolling 3 days ago When I come home, we both freeze when we see each other and slowly creep, until a sudden sprint to the entryway rug to play
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    Font - ECU BSN 3 days ago If I am near Ms Astor I MUST be accessible at all times. She walks in heel on my left. If something separated us she's a mess. Ms Astor loves her crate for sleep. I must set an alarm for work. One hour before is the Astor alarm. We cuddle back to back and head to head. If I'm near I have to tell her to eat her food. Otherwise she stares at me. If Roxanne gets a treat, Astor gets a treat. Strawberries, blueberries, and green beans are shared. Period.
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    Font - Trick-Alternative37 3 days ago I shall not hug my wife. We don't know how but she knows when we hug and will wiggle her way in between us to prevent any further unauthorized hugging
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    Font - Scotch Decisions - 3 days ago She won't budge to leave my parents house until my mom gives her a kiss first
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    Human body - sasshley 3 days ago I must hold his offered paw when giving pets, while he licks my hand. It's a whole process and doesn't work without all steps involved.
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    Carnivore - realdonald trumpsucks 3 days ago I say "walk time" and he goes and gulps up as much water as he can so that he can pee on all the things.
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    Smile - Elephantwalker 3 days ago You can't get his eye boogers unless he gets to eat it. If you try to get it and not let him eat it, he gets upset. Gross contractual agreement
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    Font - MercurysNova 3 days ago She must be touching me whenever I'm sitting down. Using the laptop? Paw on the thigh. Sitting on the couch? Face/paw on my arm or leg. Doing yoga? Scootin' on the mat to lay under me. Driving? Throws her face over the back seat hammock so her nose is smooshed against the back of my elbow. Car rides are only for grandma's house. She will not get out for the vet or for a walk. She doesn't walk. And, in fact, hates walks. She will deadweight sploot and then fight you
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    Font - furrrrbabies 3 days ago Phoebe will only retrieve the selected tennis ball. There are 4 or 5 balls in the yard, but once she brings you "the one" you cannot switch to another. This is really inconvenient when the one gets lost under the deck or over the fence.
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    Human body - ThatGayBeans - 3 days ago If you are bowed at, you must join in the Zoomies, if you are not invited, you may not join the Zoomies
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rules oddly specific wholesome dogs adorable retrievers heartwarming doggos goldens silly golden retriever weird
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